I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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