I just gift wrapped bread.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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