unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
