I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
A+ Viking dick
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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