I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
