Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
