the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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