What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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