youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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