No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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