oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
