im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
