You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
