You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
