i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
