my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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