dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Randomize
