Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
