I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
