that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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