I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize