Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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