Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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