bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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