if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
