Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
