I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
