I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
