I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
