We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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