ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
