were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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