did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
My balls are so social today.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
