I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize