so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
