the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
