I'm pants shitting drunk right now
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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