Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
