Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Randomize