Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
