Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
