I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
