The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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