i just wanna soil my oats bro
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize