You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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