Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(647): View more from Ontario

fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack

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(201): View more from New Jersey

Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week

(1-202): View more from Washington, DC

stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant

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(619): View more from California

He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..

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(714): View more from California

I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?

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(716): View more from New York

Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.

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(+61): View more from Australia

I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm

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