His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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