Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
