Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
