if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
