3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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