I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
