I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
