my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
where are you?
Hypothermia
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
