how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
