So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
