I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
