sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
