Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
