It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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