I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
