Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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