Having a random hookup so left but love u
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
